I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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