Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
