11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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