Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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