I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
