Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
