if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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