I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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