That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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