I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
