dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
