We won't sleep together?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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