I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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