I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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