Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
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wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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