all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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