I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
