If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
