The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
why is half of my head shaved?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
