Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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