I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
