Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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