I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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