we're chasing vodka with high fives
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
