I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
