He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
