I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
