The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
