The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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