And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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