So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
