I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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