all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
