I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
