I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
