my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
