I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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