I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Life is so much better after having sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
