dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize