My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
