Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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