He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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