Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
