In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."