Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.