Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.