Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.