When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She's the barista slut.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
