Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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