Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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