So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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