This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
