Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
