Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
