Barsexuality is the new black.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sober January is a disaster.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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