:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
