Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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