i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
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what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.