just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life