I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My vagina is officially offended.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed