just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
