tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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