I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
