I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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