That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
