I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Boobs speak an international language.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
