Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
