Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
