Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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