I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize